There are a few things that I had high hopes for when I moved out here and the most obvious one was continuing on to Art Center, and beginning my career in the Transportation field.
The other ones included changing my daily habits to a better lifestyle, and trying to work hard hard hard.
There were a few things that scared me though, and that was when I moved, how soon would it be before I would be sitting in my apartment, alone, in the middle of the thickness within the semester at 3am looking around wondering if this was all worth it. I guess that I am at that point now.
When I moved out here I also had decided that I would wait on getting a job because I wanted to solely focus on school and nothing outside of that. So my money situation is tight, always. This process of going to school can be very draining and overwhelming to me at so many points during the week and at so many points in my day. Im learning so much about myself as a person and I really do not like the person I'm seeing sometimes. Other times I pride myself on my creativity and adventurous nature.
Lately though my stress levels have been ever increasing and my patience with people is beginning to wane. For example, I was in my Concepts in Drawing class this morning and, without doing much back-tracking through the semester, there are a certain group of people that are either un-interesting or downright annoying. I hate to categorize people, nor do I enjoy speaking badly about others so without diving too much into it, the annoyers were in full annoy mode today, and the un-interesting people were in full un-interest. The instructor that I have is not in control of the class either, her lax nature bothers me and my attention-deficite tendencies don't bode well when placed in the environment she sets up. So during the beginning of the class I was getting so agitated and irritable at the fact that I pay 700$ per-class right now whereas the in-state kids who are surrounding me are paying 90% less than that and I really truly felt like I wasn't getting my monies worth and the rest of the class period felt like a waste of my time so I left.
After going home and laying back down to gather my thoughts and rest my eyes, let me clarify that I know that I am so lucky to be where I am. I am so proud of myself and my parents for encouraging to follow my dreams. However I could find a heck of a lot better way to spend 700$ than on a class where all people do is talk about themselves and bring their children to class with them and talk on the phone and really waste my time. Unnecessary.
Regardless I have felt lately so tired and wanting to just go home and be with my family and work, live, and have money. Like I used to. See familiar faces and be in a place that I know a little bit better than the state of California.
Sometimes I just wish it was okay to miss home as much as I do and not feel like I might have made a mistake in pushing for all of this.
I needed to get that off my chest because I have felt like this since my last post and after further readings-I realized that I short changed my Spring Break post and did not tell you how the rest of my vacation really went. Ill try to fix that.
-also in the mean time, Nashville floods were the worst on record but my family is okay, and so is the house, luckily. Please pray for those who were not as fortunate.
-B
